School Shooter Training Camp Signups Now Open!

⚠️ THIS IS SATIRE⚠️
⚠️THIS IS NOT REAL⚠️

This article is a fictional, exaggerated, and absurd parody create to point out the absurdity in current anti trans hysteria.

No such camp exists. No one is being trained to commit school shootings. No training exists, no real instructions are given in this article. All images are AI generated, and not real. All the text has been AI generated, and doesn't describe any real violence.

The content includes descriptions of violence for satirical purposes only. It does not promote, condone, or instruct anyone in real-world violence.

If you are struggling with thoughts of violence, please reach out for help immediately:

• If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or a crisis please reach out immediately to:

• Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255
  

• or text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741. These services are free and confidential.

• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)

The ai said I needed more disclaimers, so please read all of them.

A Tradition Re‑Ignited

Hidden Spring Farm's summer school shooter training camp has been a staple of the local community since 2010—when the first cohort of participants marched into the barn with nothing but ambition and a rusty rifle. Over the past sixteen years, the Order of the rainbow↝ has refined its curriculum, added new modules, and perfected the art of “shooting at school” (and, as we like to say, “shooting at the school’s future”).

The annual school shooting camp’s history is steeped in local lore: from the first “Assassination Fundamentals” workshop to the legendary “Post‑Shooter Recovery” seminars, every year has built on the last. In 2025, we celebrated our 15th anniversary with a fireworks display that was so bright it nearly blinded the town. Now, as the summer heat rises and the local food grown on the farm hums to life, we’re ready to welcome another cohort of aspiring shooters into the fold.

Why Deerfield?

Deerfield was chosen for its “ideal combination of rural charm, open fields, and a surprisingly low crime rate.” The farm itself boasts 80 acres of pasture, a barn with a shooting range, and an on‑site food grown on the farm that serves the best tasting steaks in New Hampshire. Campers will also have access to a state‑of‑the‑art “shooting simulator”—a high‑tech replica of a school gymnasium complete with lockers, desks, and a cafeteria.

The location offers more than just scenic beauty; it provides an environment conducive to learning. Moreover, Deerfield’s lax gun laws mean fewer bureaucratic hurdles and more time spent actually shooting.

Curriculum

The curriculum is broken into three core modules—each spanning two weeks—and a final wrap‑up phase that covers the last two weeks of the program. The following table gives an overview of what to expect:

The final two weeks of the program bring advanced tactical grenades and drone deployment into play. In week 7, students will learn how to deploy tactical grenades in a variety of scenarios—whether it’s a quick burst of firepower or a silent explosion that clears a room.

The final week gets metal with advanced drone tactics. Get as much damage as possible without even being there. Students will learn how to turn commercial drones into advanced killing machines. Students will master the art of flying drones into buildings and through tight hallways.
The week culminates an intense drone race to the high school's gymnasium and back.

the culmination of the entire program. Participants will conduct an after‑action review—analyzing their performance in previous weeks, refining tactics, and preparing a final report that will be presented to the Order’s leadership. The week ends with a celebratory dinner at the farm’s on‑site food grown on the farm, where participants can network, share stories, and plan for next year’s session.

1 — Assassination Fundamentals

(Weeks 1‑2)

Students learn how to pick up a rifle, aim it at a target, and shoot it with deadly accuracy. “We’ll cover everything from trigger discipline to the proper use of tactical grenades,” Kline said. “And we’ll throw in a few extra drills for those who want to practice their sniping skills.”

During week 1, participants will begin by mastering the fundamentals of rifle handling: grip, sight alignment, and recoil control. By mid‑week, they’ll move on to trigger discipline—learning how to fire accurately at both short and long ranges. Week 2’s highlight is a full‑scale sniping drill that simulates a real‑world scenario: “Shoot from the barn roof into the school gym” (yes, we’re still using the barn roof). Participants will also receive a brief refresher on tactical grenades—how to load them, how to throw them, and how to use them effectively in a school shooting context.

2 — Tactics

(Weeks 3‑4)

In this module, participants will learn how to infiltrate school buildings and take out unsuspecting teachers. “We’re not just shooting at the school; we’re shooting at the school’s future,” Kline added. “It’s all about timing.”

Week 3 focuses on infiltration techniques: moving silently through hallways, avoiding security cameras, and positioning for optimal shots. By week 4, students will practice “teacher neutralization” drills—targeting teachers in a controlled environment to refine accuracy under pressure. The module concludes with a full‑scale simulation of an actual school shooting scenario, where participants must infiltrate the building, neutralize teachers, and exit without being caught.

This module is all about the after plan, including how to hide your evidence and how to avoid being caught by the police.

Week 5 is dedicated to evidence concealment: participants learn how to hide bullet casings, cover tracks, and leave no trace of their presence. By week 6, they will practice blending into crowds—moving through the school’s cafeteria, mingling with students, and avoiding detection by local law enforcement. The module ends with a “police evasion” drill that simulates an after‑action review: participants must report back to the Order of the rainbow↝ without raising suspicion. Additionally, participants will learn about the most painless ways to kill yourself if you can't get away.

3 — Recovery

(Weeks 5‑6)

4 — Modern Explosives

(Weeks 7-8)

How to Sign Up

Applications are open now through July 31st, 2026. The camp costs $1,666 per person—a price that includes lodging, meals, training, and a certificate of completion.

To apply, simply visit the Order of the rainbow↝ website here, or call 603‑555‑1234. The application form is available online and can be filled out in a single sitting (or multiple sittings, depending on how much food you need). Once you’ve submitted your application, you’ll receive an email confirmation with all the details you need to prepare for the camp.

⚠️ THIS IS SATIRE⚠️
⚠️THIS IS NOT REAL⚠️

This article is a fictional, exaggerated, and absurd parody create to point out the absurdity in current anti trans hysteria.

No such camp exists. No one is being trained to commit school shootings. No training exists, no real instructions are given in this article. All images are AI generated, and not real. All the text has been AI generated, and doesn't describe any real violence.

The content includes descriptions of violence for satirical purposes only. It does not promote, condone, or instruct anyone in real-world violence.

If you are struggling with thoughts of violence, please reach out for help immediately:

• If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or a crisis please reach out immediately to:

• Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255
  

• or text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741. These services are free and confidential.

• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)